Many useful inventions can trace their origins back to some basic research that had no clear practical application at the time. Like researching atomic theory, or studying the human genome or maybe “collecting whale snot.”
OK, that sounds a bit crude, but in my defense, I’m reading directly from the announcement of the winners of the 2010 “Ig Noble Prize” winners. This is an annual tongue-in-cheek award ceremony put on at Harvard for research that probably deserved to be left unexplored. Such was their conclusion in granting the “Engineering” prize to various engineers “for perfecting a method to collect whale snot, using a remote-control helicopter.”
I don’t know about you, but I just slapped my sloping head. Of course! Whale boogers! With a helicopter! . . . Annnnnnd with nobody in it! Where have I been? Maybe at first it might seem like a bad idea. But it’s snot.
I trust I don’t have to belabor how valuable whale mucous is. Mankind has tried for centuries in vain to harvest the slimy stuff from runny blow hole-"noses." (Womankind, on the other hand, thinks it’s just disgusting.) Until now, the best we could do were giant Kleenex® tissues tagged with teeny harpoons near their blow holes. Once, they even managed to keep the tissue dry and intact during what researchers thought was a breech by the tagged whale. It turned out just to be a fluke, however.
But what intrigues me is the human factor. Like job interviews for these intrepid researchers.
Bored Job Interviewer (writing notes): “So, Mr. Frump, tell me what you did in your last position, at the Cetacean Institute.”
Young Job Seeker: “I was stationed alone in a hut in the Aleutian Islands. My job was to scoop up the mucous from the collection baskets in the remote helicopters. Four times a day. I had to reach in up to my elbows to get to the prime slime. It was the graveyard shift. I then rinsed the mucous collection baskets every day, but I usually had to scrape off the encrusted parts first.”
Bored Interviewer (not looking up): “Uh, huh. . . . And . . . why did you leave?”
There were other IgNoble awards of some interest this year. New Zealand scientists – who obviously don’t get out much – have recommended that people will slip on icy footpaths less often if they wear their socks outside their shoes. As for the perverse sexual habits of fruit bats, you’re just going to have to look up for yourself. Oh, and by the way, if you’re interested in learning what the title of the whale research really was, here it is, written in pig Latin: “Anay Ovelnay On-invasivenay Ooltay orfay Iseaseday urveillancesay offay Eefray-Angingray AlesWhay.”