"This Here Town Ain't Big 'Enuf fer the Two of Us"

By Robert W. Payne

06/29/2010

Well, folks, I’m back. It’s the Ol’ Sage agin. I been readin’ about this fracas between the Naked Cowboy and the Naked Cowgirl in New York City. (New York City!) And I just gotta throw in my two bits.

There’s a fella in New York who calls himself the Naked Cowboy. He walks around Times Square, with a big ol’ guitar hangin’ in front of his private parts, posin’ and singin’ and makin’ money by wearin’ no clothes.

Well, that just burns my chaps. I mean, if he wanted to call ‘imself a Naked Mortgage Banker or such, I wouldn’t much care. But a naked cowboy, and a city slicker to boot? (“Boot” – that’s a side splitter.) It just ain’t right. I double-dutch guarantee ya he ain’t been ridin’ in no saddle for more’n five paces doin’ that.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. I reckon New York must be just swarmin’ with fake cowboys. There’s this Naked Cowgirl who’s also hangin’ out in Times Square. (Is it “Times Square” or “Time Square” or “Time Squared”? I never been.) He sent somethin’ to her called a “cease and desist letter,” sayin’ she’s infringing his trademark and such. If she wants to pose for money, she’s gotta pay him a franchise fee – a franchise fee! – of $500 a month fer the privilege.

Now, it just so happens that the Naked Cowgirl is a former stripper. She says she’s been prancin’ around, showin’ her lady parts, since before the Naked Cowboy was a small buckaroo, drawin’ stick figures outta cowpies. And if you talk to lawyers ‘bout this (which I do not advise), they’ll say there are a lotta in’s, out’s and what-have-you’s ‘bout all this. Like confusion about trademark (the name), trade dress (the get-up), copyright (the actual image) and right of publicity. Humpf. Sounds more like trade un-dress if you ask me.

All I gotta say is, if them city folks can’t tell a guy from a gal, then I don’t know what. But if just dressin’ up and playin’ cowboy in New York makes that much money, where do I sign up?