What if you invented a way to walk through solid walls? Think of the benefits to society, especially if the price of plywood for doors shoots up. Wouldn’t you want to get a patent for your invention? You bet.
Which makes an explanation all the more inexplicable, regarding the patent application of John St. Clair (2006/0014125). He came up with just such an invention and applied for a patent. However, when the patent examiner at the Patent and Trademark Office issued its intial refusal to allow issuance, and invited the applicant's comments, he folded up this tent, failed to press forward further, and his patent application was deemed “abandoned.”
Loyal readers of this column will recognize inventor John St. Clair. He invented the remote viewing amplifier. It allows users to “travel” to other worlds in an instant, light years beyond our galaxy. Or at least to Cleveland. We reprint our June 2009 article on that elsewhere in this newsletter.
But now we see that Mr. St. Clair's ingenuity is not limited to interstellar travel. Travel through "inner space" is also his forte. His invention for a training system for developing “sufficient hyperspace energy” to enable walking through walls is equally astounding. After complex calculations citing Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity, Planck’s constant, Avogadro’s law and the Peter Principle, the inventor comes out with a dance chart with measured footsteps to be taken at something like one step per second with arms crossed. After taking a few strides the person trying to replicate this invention exclaims, “Am I on ‘Candid Camera’?”
Actually, after taking a few strides on the step pattern, St. Clair says, “A huge, spinning vortex develops over the head and the vortex locks onto the heart vortex in the center of the chest." He explains that in everyday life, this vortex is not created because normal walking is much faster "and the hands are held at the side of the body.” (Last time I checked, we were not part of a “Riverdance” cast, but oh, well.) Curiously, “the energy rush through the pineal gland is so intense that one feels immediately sleepy and starts yawning excessively due to the increased flow of melatonin.” Since the body is largely composed of water molecules -- work with me here -- which has a close relationship with the boundary between space and hyperspace, the increased hyperspace energy created by this slow dance allows the person to “walk around out of dimension through solid wooden doors," according to the application.
I know. Half of you out there are slapping your forehead right now, shouting out, "Why didn't I think of that?"
So, why did Mr. St. Clair abandon his application, after the buzzkill examiner rejected it? I can only guess that he was not able to respond. Perhaps he tinkered further with the process and got stuck inside a movie theater wall, in mid-yawn. Those 3D movies can be pretty expensive. For all we know, he's still stuck there, screaming his heart vortex out through 3 inches of concrete.